Hiding ourselves is not as freeing as we think
Neurodivergent people have lived through a lifetime of criticism
The type of criticism that leads us to mask.
In an attent to find acceptance – with a world that doesn’t understand us we come to beleive that we are not good enough.
Slowly chinks in our identity form – those things that naturally give us joy, or help regulate us can be seen by others as not the right way things can be done.
As we do so – we slowly learn to view those aspects of us as faulty.
Slowly – we beleive that the only way to be accepted is to mask, and follow patterns and behaviours that don’t really truly fit, and are often antiphical to the way we regulate ourselves.
- We stop stimming
- We become perfectionists
- We dont make comments or jokes that bring us joy
- We people please – taking on the behaviours and statements of others to be accepted.
Many of us choose to put on a mask, to be accepted by the predominant neurotypical world – limiting oiurselves to fit the world
The problem with the mask -is that one it is on can feel uncomfortable to take off. Both by the message that we must live in a certain way, do certain actions. It can be seen as wrong to change, to challenge the status qou, even when the mask doesnt fit.
In reality, the process can be a shedding, a shedding of rules, a shedding of behaviours, realizing that the neurodivergent person that has been forced to fit into unfitting costumes is ok – and can be themselves.
What helps
- Finding our people – it may be a craft group, a lego group, a online discussion group about politics
- Finding our interests – what we can talke about forever
- Taking time to connect with nature – this may be walks, animals, the stars, whatever in the world captures your attention
- Practicing acceptance
- Grounding ourselves
- Practicing mantras that support us and tell us we can be accepted.
- Getting affirming and accepting support – counselling, music therapy, art therapy
Here is a link to some grounding exercises
Nathanael Dei Gratia Counselling 